Okay so on Sunday the person I have a crush on sorta found out. I never meant for them to find out through someone else or even find out at this time. If their is one thing I'm good at it's knowing when things aren't right and this just wasn't the right time. Mainly because the person is dating a mutual friend whom I care for.
I never meant to develop this crush but I did. I did and now I'm screwed because I have these emotions that just complicate things. I guess I realized I had these feelings a little over two months ago but I do believe I've had them longer. I just ignored them because I didn't think this person would be interested in being with a female. I never knew they went that way.
Obviously I found out they did when they dated my ex. Not long after that was when I woke up to these feelings I had kept buried inside. I felt more and still feel more than anyone knows. A part of me wishes the person who had told my crush would have kept their mouth shut because now it just makes things worse for me. It makes it worse knowing she doesn't feel the same. It makes it worse knowing she's dating my ex. It actually sorta crushes the crush it seems if that makes any sense.
Speaking of crushing the crush. Having your ex always mention how happy your current crush makes them is also a slap in the face. A cold hard slap in the face. All in all life's a bitch and she's just another crush who will never be more than a crush. Maybe I'm just getting fed up with all my crushes being just that. Maybe it's bad I actually felt more for her than I did the others. Maybe this is why it hurts more.
But I'm gonna end this now because it seems my ability to cry has taken over and I've become a babbling mess of a fool. A fool in love(sorry was qouting a song here).
PS. As I wrote this I think I remembered the day I first realized I liked her. It was October 11,2007. Only she would know what happened that day.
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